WITH the amount of stress that inevitably comes from extended periods of time spent with family over the holidays, many men and women stray from their marriages in the New Year. There are a number of other reasons why people choose to embark on an affair as well.
To revive their sex life
‘This affair is not about being madly besotted with someone else, it’s done as a last bid attempt to wake up their partner sexually and romantically,’ an expert said.
‘The spouse finds out, they’re upset, devastated… but suddenly they appreciate their partner and sex is hot again.
‘Most of these affairs die a natural death and some do achieve the desired result – the marriage can actually get better.
‘In other cases, the attempt to heat things up ends up causing a fire that destroys the lot.’
To see if there’s better out there
This is the most common affair for females.
‘They’re doing it because certain emotional and sexual needs aren’t being met in the marriage.
They compare their new lover to their husband to see if they’re missing out.
If this is you, you did this for a reason, now make a decision. If you’re happier with the new person, leave. If you’re not, finish it and put your energy back into your marriage.
To force you to leave
This kind of affair is described as an ‘exit affair’. These people take up a lover with the hope that their partner will find out about it and would be ‘secretly relieved’ if they did. If this is you, leave. Don’t pretend to yourself or your lover that you’re leaving for them, you’re not.
To ‘support’ the marriage
These people are ‘happy with their marriage but bored or sexually unfulfilled’, according to experts. They have no desire to leave but need the excitement an affair provides.
Another circumstance is that there’s some reason their partner can’t have sex (like illness) or they don’t want to leave the marriage because of children or finances.
‘These are called “stabilising” affairs or “three-legged stools” – with just two legs a stool would fall over, with three it’s stable.
‘If this is you, this actually works for lots of people but there’s a huge risk involved because the longer an affair lasts, the more likely you are to get found out.’
A lot of people will seek out an extramarital partner to get revenge on their spouse for having an affair.
‘If this is you and if it’s your only motive, you’ve achieved your aim.
‘Stop it now – and don’t even think about telling your partner, no matter how sweet that revenge might be.’
A mid life crisis
Do I need to say more.
If this is you, buy the sports car and skip the affair. It’s a lot cheaper on so many levels.’
To avoid facing the truth
These people know they should either leave or face their problems but instead they have a fling to distract themselves.
If this is you, make a choice to leave or stay and work at it. You’re hurting everyone more by lingering in no-man’s land.
To reward themselves
These people believe they ‘deserve’ an affair because they’ve been such a ‘great’ spouse or parent.
Lots of people indulge in this one by having a “safe” one night encounter where the chances of getting found out are minimal. Trouble is, it turns into two nights, then three. If this is you, you’ve had your “treat”, now stop it.
Your partner’s not meeting a certain need. It might be sex you’re lacking or it might be affection, you’re feeling taken for granted. Once you get the need met by a lover, you’ll know just how important it is to you. If it wasn’t that crucial, stop the affair. If it was, leave.
To satisfy an experience their partner can’t
If a man or woman has never had a threesome or has a quirk or fetish they would like to act out, they would often stray from the marriage due to fear of embarrassment. It seems safer to try it outside the marriage. If this is you, sometimes doing it once gets it out the way.
Other times, it reveals just how important it is. Are you sure your partner can’t provide what you crave? If you intend leaving unless they do, you’ve got nothing to lose by asking.
To boost their ego
Many men or women simply want to see if they’ve still got ‘it’. If this is you and you don’t get found out and it’s a relatively short affair, the confidence boost can actually renew the relationship.
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